The truth is dead

Long live the opinion. I would like the FCC to pass new rules that require news sources to watermark any non factual items with OPINION NOT FACT or more helpful would just be BULLSHIT. At least if you come here this blog is my opinion, my own personal take on the world. The problem is that the 24 hour news cycle leaves so much air time that has to be filled, instead of actually hiring reporters they chase ratings by hiring blowhards to confuse the truth with bullshit. The sad part is that it works, large groups of people hang on the words of these shills, letting them sell a false reality that makes them happy.

It is a sad world we live in indeed. Would we survive without the lies they tell us? Would we want to?

Curse you Siri

This is just weird, tried to dictate a post on my iPhone on the way to work this morning. I was going to edit this but it is so wtf that I just decided it was fitting to leave it as is because I find it just funny.

Why is it that I have desires things I want to do and part of why my mental state is I am in that same mind is racing constantly thinking about him and so when I want to have some clarity Sue something at most like I have days where I can actually think about it and focus on it and accomplish something but as I do that my mind start that right constantly think of sleep is sleepless night dreaming not screaming but before my mind it is moving throughremind maybe three months of of pursuing this this passion in a non-there’s there are times where I can sit there andand rebuild an entire car in my mind in one night and I will row before I am just mentally exhaustedand I do this with all the things I am passionate about working on car with drawing even think I’m not really passionate about working on the yard of I can sit there and go through everything that needs to be done in the yard and annoy well I’m about to get yardI even think right now that I have a sense of clarity it’s not that I mind that much clearer than at other times but right now my mind is focused on fixing my moneyno I do not have my mind on my money and my money on my mind trying to fix my mind maybe the money but damn thing

Is there a point

A blog with random, disjointed posts with no direction. Sometimes I have moments of clarity when I realize that is how I exist, random and disjointed. Sans direction. Moving through life from one point to another in a tireless cycle. In these moments of clarity I have a deep desire to gain control and maintain a positive direction. Lately I have been considering Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to learn some skills that could help me better manage my mind.

The problem I am running into is finding the right professional services that can work within my schedule and that I would be comfortable with working on my problems.

On violence

Violence be-gets violence and it is a sad reality of the world we live in currently. What we must realize is that each day as violence occurs and we ignore it and do not condemn it; we are responsible for the perpetuation of violence. Unfortunately I believe violence will persist until we as a nation truly believe that all Americans are equal, that we should all have the same chances and opportunities to succeed.
And it isn’t just violence, it is systematic inequality that brings us to the same place every time. When someone like Cliven Bundy, a man who has stolen millions in natural resources from the American people, who’s supporters took up arms and threatened those tasked with enforcing the law. When this man and his supporters are still living and breathing, free and not in jail then inequality exists. When the same people who sang his praises on national television turn around and sing the praises of Darren Wilson there is a clear system of inequality.
When the only answer some people have is “yeah but look what these black thugs did to these white people”, advocate shooting people of color, or my all time favorite response bringing up Martin Luther King JR; because what people of color are supposed to not be like the rest of Americans. Seems to me after 9/11 we opened a collective can of angry whoop ass on people, quite a few who were innocent bystanders lost their lives and property in the ensuing war. Why is it ok when one group lashes out in anger but not another? Why do we cheer for one and condemn the other?
What does it take to bring the American people together, how do we honestly work through issues that divide us when many don’t seem to even care if the issue exists? Others believe we should be divided further; and yes I see this on both sides of the issue. Though in my personal life often times a person who will make overtly racist comments about people of color; will then complain that “they want to make it about race” or “they are playing the race card”; I am sorry, if you have ever disparaged a person because of the color of their skin you are the problem.
And I am just as much a part of the problem as everyone else. I have not raised my voice to condemn violence. I have remained silent as people I have worked for and with speak words of hate against others because of their skin color. I have not gone out into the community to help make a difference. I have kept my head down and looked out for myself. My apathy is as much of a problem as others lack of empathy.

Unused tools rust and become dull

When I was in my teens and early 20’s I wrote all of the time. Short stories, prose, even some poetry. Words seemed to flow easily; at times it was almost as if my mind was on fire.
So long ago, in another lifetime…
Before a career. Before stress on top of stress. Before I lost my way somewhere.
At some point I stopped writing, didn’t make the time, couldn’t find the words. I retreated into my own mind, trapped my thoughts in an abandoned corner and let them gather dust.
Now I want to write again and my mind is dull, the words come slowly. I write them down, scratch them out and try again. Mostly though I I just stare at the wall and think.

Acceptance can be impossible.

Twenty-one years since I was injured in basic training. Twenty-two years since I was medically discharged from the Army due to the injury. My body failed me, the doctor that ignored me about my ankle failed me; that a simple surgery seventeen years later could fix the ankle. That my dream escaped me and I have never managed to let go and accept the fact is my own shortcoming.
So year in and year out I find myself trapped in the same rut; dreaming about woulda, coulda, shoulda. Wanting desperately to find a way back into the Army, to prove to myself that I am not weak, not a failure; to achieve my dream. This of course ignores the reality that my body is still broken, that I have other health issues that have developed over the years from other injuries.
What does it take to get past this type of life changing event? How do I accept something I don’t want to accept and try to move on with my life? These are the thoughts that trap me and keep me imprisoned.
I know and understand that I am not unique in my struggles. Nor do I write this to complain about my life. This is about gaining understanding of my own struggles and working towards a solution. I want to reach the point where I live my life with no regrets.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day one of the many holidays in the USA where we celebrate by having heavily commercialized sales and events; and we don’t need to regulate business because they would never exploit the people. Maybe I am just cynical.
Today my family will be spending Memorial Day honoring my father who died this year of lung cancer from exposure to Agent Orange. We are going to spread his ashes around on the walking trail he made.
So no sales for us, today we honor James W England Feb 26, 1950 – Jan 25, 2014. Husband, father, teacher, soldier.
a000

Where is my mind?

Time slips past me. I am trying each day, with little success to gain control of my life. I have managed in the last 3 weeks to start working out again. Just over two years ago I was making good progress, I had a good work out program and I was making progress until my father-in-law passed away. Now this year after my father passed away I am trying to get back into it and find outlets for dealing with my grief. One of the outlets I wanted to pursue was my writing, unfortunately I have found it very difficult to stay focused. I have not given up though and am slowly trying to plot a course to where I want to be in the future.

unsettled mind

A blog without posts, too much work, no clarity of mind.
I cannot ever stay on a path, life distracts me and the world is forever pulling me in different directions and I find myself lost in the vortex. I am not someone who has ever managed to stay focused, never will I create the next great how to be a success blog or give insight into what makes an effective person. I am one of the many lost masses who struggle each day to survive in this world, nothing more.
Like many I want more out of life, I want control over my destiny. I want to go to sleep at night and actually sleep, not have my nights ruled by an uncalmed mind. I want to wake up rested each morning free of distractions and able to focus.
I always find it funny when I read self help books, websites or blogs because they only work for those whose minds don’t lack focus.

an American coward

Absolute WTFery, when a cowardly draft dodger like Ted Nugent is referred to as a “freedom fighter”. He wasn’t even a draft dodger on principal of being against the war, just a coward. But now that he loves guns, and uses hate speech to threaten people; this makes him a freedom fighter to some people in Texas.
And to top off his cowardice he has made up stories about how he dodged the draft at different times as it suited him. Bottom line he is a coward and no amount of posturing and threatening people with guns will ever make him a fraction of a man compared to those who have served this nation.
I wish his self serving ass would just go away, but people like him never do they just keep promoting themselves.

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