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There is a common theme that runs through the prophets of the old testament and I keep coming across it in many places. Verse 9 of the below passage in particular weighs on my heart. I read it and it speaks to me of the essence of the life I should be living, the rest is a warning to those who disregard the spirit of verse 9. Maybe if this theme keeps repeating and is the essence of much of the Gospels of Christ it might actually be important.

Zechariah 7
8 Then the word of the Lord came to Zechariah, saying, 9 “Thus says the Lord of hosts:

‘Execute true justice,
Show mercy and compassion
Everyone to his brother.
10 Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless,
The alien or the poor.
Let none of you plan evil in his heart
Against his brother.’

11 “But they refused to heed, shrugged their shoulders, and stopped their ears so that they could not hear. 12 Yes, they made their hearts like flint, refusing to hear the law and the words which the Lord of hosts had sent by His Spirit through the former prophets. Thus great wrath came from the Lord of hosts. 13 Therefore it happened, that just as He proclaimed and they would not hear, so they called out and I would not listen,” says the Lord of hosts. 14 “But I scattered them with a whirlwind among all the nations which they had not known. Thus the land became desolate after them, so that no one passed through or returned; for they made the pleasant land desolate.”

I am having serious doubts at this point about my faith. That so many support the idea that it is OK to discriminate because you are christian. That the 14th Amendment to the Constitution means nothing to some people. I just do not know at this point. Is that what it really means to be a christian, that your religious beliefs trump the rights of anyone else. I have to really gives this some thought.

Dear self, you sir are not eloquent nor are you skilled in the area of debate. You know this and yet you must be constantly reminded of the fact. You think that there is a simplicity to your ideas and the thoughts you want to convey but come on seriously that isn’t the point. So many of you social justice warriors are all the same, you see injustice and want to fix it. What you fail to either remember or grasp is that two people standing side by side will never see the same thing. Where you see oppression and discrimination others do not. Is this frustrating, yes but it is how reality works, get over it.

Look yours is an opinion and perspective of the world, it isn’t unique. In fact let’s be honest self, sometimes your opinions and perspective are borderline on comprehensibility and coherence. So please do not stress when you feel like you are grasping at straws or your point is not coming across; when it comes to debating or delivering a compelling argument you are a punch drunk boxer, blindfolded and wearing clown shoes trying to go a round with Muhammad Ali. So relax, put your ideas out there by all means, remember you do not have to be “right” or convincing just honest to yourself. Also please listen more than you speak, keep your mind open and I am sure we will have this conversation again in the near future.

I had them once. Actually I still have the same dream and desire that haunts my mind no matter how unattainable it has become I just won’t let it go.
I bring this up because I watched a motivational speaker on a TED talk speak about giving yourself permission to dream of something better. She spoke on the idea that we allow ourselves to become stuck throughout our lives as we tell others and ourselves that everything is good or even worse the F word, FINE. Because we say it, we make it the reality by removing the motivation, since good and fine are completely acceptable states of being. I think though we also tend to see past results and correlate them to future expectations; I tried to do A and B happened so if I try to do C then B will happen. Now if B is substantially negative then it becomes a fear.
So if our dreams, desires and ambitions are good things that we want to move towards we have to have motivation to move from where we are currently. We have to first give ourselves permission to move in that direction. Then we have to convince ourselves we really are not happy with our current situation so that we are motivated to act on what we have given ourselves permission to accomplish. Finally we have to encounter and overcome our fears and that is where I lose it with motivational gurus.
Here is the problem, often times motivational speakers tend to be like star athletes; they are outliers. People who really can’t explain how they do what they do, but we sure do like when they tell us a simple strategy. Hearing them or watching them play can be exhilarating and fills us with a hope and energy. That energy and hope can help us move past where we are currently unless we have allowed ourselves to be consumed by fear of trying. Then what? I don’t have a clue.

My week in review (=_=) (>.<)* \(~o~)/ <(°–°)/ ¯\(·.·)/¯ (>o<)

Tired, frustrated, anxious, angry. So much going on that I managed to mix up the day I had to have a CAT scan with contrast and showed up a day early. Got to have a barium nightcap and breakfast 2 days in a row. Oh yum. It is only Wednesday and I already feel like it should be Saturday or next Monday.
Now for something completely random.
I think life is a lot like a game of spider solitaire. The cards represent bits and pieces of ourselves; the time, energy and skills we are able to dedicate to life. Each of the Suits of cards that you build to move to the Foundation are representative of things you are trying to accomplish; goals, dreams, just living, bucket list, etc. The ten columns of the Tableau are the people, places and conditions in our lives; family, friends, work, health, churches, commuting, etc.
The act of moving the cards around the Tableau represents the decisions we make in life or the events that occur as we juggle ourselves across the conditions and constraints of our lives. We stack the cards up; sometimes with little effort, easily balancing everything out and seeing our accomplishments grow as the stacks of suits in the Foundation. Other times we find ourselves hitting dead end after dead end, decisions that we didn’t make or choices that were wrong, illness or injury.
The problem arises though that when we hit the roadblocks and can not continue we stay on the same path pouring ourselves out while everything just piles up around us becoming less manageable. There is no restart or new deal button we can hit and get fresh cards laid out and ready. What we can do though is stop. Take stock of our lives. Figure out what our priorities are, maybe redo our bucket lists. Get real with ourselves about who we want to be and what we want to be doing with our lives. Basically restart the game where we are in life with a fresh outlook.
Sure sounds real easy doesn’t it; being self aware, knowing that you have hit a rut or rock bottom and you have to make changes. What if you spend all of your time bouncing off the bottom? What if you lack self awareness, don’t even know your at rock bottom or which way is up? What if you know you are in a rut but you just can’t seem to ever figure anything out? Just what are you supposed to do?
These are the the thoughts and questions that drive my train.

Somethings just make me so angry. To all of those people who like to believe that people with things like depression, anxiety or other mental health issues are any of the following, or have made the following types of statements.

Just weak.

Don’t pray enough.

Just want attention.

Just making it up.

It isn’t real.

Just an excuse.

Well you just schedule time to come express those opinions to me, I will skip my medicine for a few days before our meeting. After I reach down your throat, extract your spine and use it to give you a colonoscopy, then we can discuss my failings and weakness.
I mean seriously would you tell someone who wears glasses, hearing aids, maybe has a heart condition these type of things? Maybe you would, maybe you like to project your problems on other people because you are just a weak individual who needs attention.
No one with mental health issues wants to admit to them publicly, we feel ashamed to have these issues which only compounds the problem. I blog about mine because I want others like me to know they are not alone. Even medicated it is a struggle to get through life; to hold down a job, be a spouse or a parent but the good days are worth the price.
I am reminded of a little saying; If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. What a shame we can’t ever seem to practice this in our lives.

Do republicans always seem to include making it easier to fire people when they talk about things like Veterans Affairs reforms. Now granted the VA is just like any organization that has employees, you will have some that are the slackers, screw ups, under achievers, and those just there to get a paycheck. But the issue is that the VA has historically been underfunded with a track record of DENY, DENY, DENY that is seeded in the mentality that entitlements are bad, scary things that will destroy our great nation.
Maybe one of the solutions is to enroll all Veterans into Medicare so they have expanded coverage options. Another solution is to implement Kaizen within the Veterans Administration to fix real problems on the administrative side by using proven methods. Stop looking for scapegoats when Congress and the Executive branch for decades have been the main culprits behind the train wreck. Finally we need common sense not political grandstanding to dictate the treatment Veterans receive, it only cheapens the sacrifices they have made on our behalf and doesn’t solve problems.

There really is no way around it, my life has a lot of stress. Family health problems, my health problems, the never ending cycle of to-do lists associated with home ownership, commuting to work, work, rinse, repeat. And mostly my medicines help my mental and emotional state stay on a fairly even keel. Now other than the insanity of starting to blog about some of the things that weigh on my mind, I don’t like to talk about my problems. Quite frankly I do not want to complain about my problems, they aren’t unique or new to this world but they do weigh me down. The issue is though if we internalize our stress and hold onto it, eventually it builds up until we can no longer contain it within ourselves. That is one of the reasons I think we are drawn to share our problems with others, by verbalizing them we acknowledge those things with which we are struggling. We just want someone to listen; we aren’t looking for advise or even encouragement just to not be alone with our burdens. I know from when I was in therapy that can just be a wonderfully cathartic experience, unfortunately my schedule just really doesn’t make it possible.
So I unload some of it in my writing here on my blog but just doesn’t seem to help that much. And so yesterday the stress crossed that point where I just want to through my hands up and scream.
So here it is
My scream

Were you expecting something louder?

Or at least give an opinion. Seriously I am not trying to be an ass by asking these questions or attacking anyone; they are just questions I am genuinely curious to have answered.

Why is it we are a "Christian Nation" when it comes to enforcing morality against homosexuals but when it comes to feeding the poor, helping the oppressed then all of a sudden it becomes what exactly?

If paying taxes is horrible and robbery, why did Jesus say to do it, was he confused?

If we are one Nation under God, and you don’t trust the government, isn’t that sort of like not trusting God?

If Jesus said to turn the other cheek, go the second mile, and love your enemies; how does that work if you are armed and ready for confrontation?

I have a proposal to end all of the controversy. Immediately issue passports to all US citizens free of charge, require all states wanting to enact voter id laws or who have already enacted such laws to be required to accept passports as valid ID. Establish mobile passport offices to go anywhere there is a need to ensure no citizen is disenfranchised. In addition we need a law that requires sufficient polling places, open 24/7 for an adequete time period, geographically convenient to ensure all citizens vote. Also if employees are late or unable to arrive at work because of long lines at polling locations they should be protected by law from punishment.
Is this a capitulation to the republicans, in some ways yes but by proposing a compromise that addresses the many issues with current id laws I believe we can find common ground. Or at the very least force the hand of those who really just want to suppress votes.