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Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God.

“Be still” I try to be still but my mind and body betray me. My mind is a constant train wreck, there are always multiple streams of thought competing for limited resources. This is great during the work day when I have multiple issues to deal with but at the beginning of the day or the end, when I need calm it does not come there is always the clamor. Then my body betrays me as well, aches and pains to start with, then the ever-present “essential tremor”, (an interesting bit of trivia is that there are two types of tremors that are not associated with specific medical conditions such as Parkinson’s’ disease, the essential and familial, the familial is an inherited tremor and the essential is just a crap shoot of birth.) Needless to say, being still is not something I have much success in.

“And know that I am God” is a very simple statement and yet such a deep well of thought. I stumble over this, and the thoughts that fill my mind feel like they block out the voice of God. God could be trying to talk to me right now and the constant clamor between my ears defy my ability to hear. If I cannot hear God, how then do I discern what God wants me to be doing with my life? I am not ashamed to admit a certain amount of envy of those who hear and understand the voice of God. I wonder could that be part of the problem, I covet what others have and I feel like an outsider when they discuss their relationship with God.

So all in all it is a conundrum of an existential crisis that I battle with every day. At the end of the day, it is probably just me overthinking every aspect of my life, the enigma that I juggle each day, well one of the enigmas that I juggle.

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