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To have two children, both of whom are struggling with debilitating health problems is in a word, difficult. To see them in the prime of their lives, fighting to get through each day can be both heart wrenching and frustrating.
As parents we juggle doctor’s and specialists. We might choose jobs based on health insurance. We pay for treatments, prescriptions, co-pays and deductibles. Doctor recommends something not covered by insurance, somehow we come up with the money. We keep going everyday and we do all that we can to encourage our children and provide for them and their future.
Sometimes we can be emotional; we may not share with the world all of our struggles, in fact some may just be too private to share. There may even be times you may look at us and question if we know what we are doing or want to give us advice; please consider though if that will help us in the end. Saying things to us that brings into question our abilities as parents does nothing but tear us down and we may already be wavering on our feet.Yes we know you love us and you mean well; but sometimes all we want and need is for you to tell our children they are in your thoughts and prayers.

My son Trevor was born 5 weeks premature in the spring of 1998. In addition to being born premature Trevor had jaundice and was born meconium in utero; meaning he had a bowel movement at or during delivery. From what I have read this occurs in post date deliveries or if the baby is in fetal stress during labor and delivery. After a week in NICU Trevor came home a healthy happy boy.
During his early years aside from having to have tubs put in his ears and an illness that included a touch and go ER, visit as well as a week in the hospital; Trevor progressed normally.
Somewhere along the line one foot seemed to become a little bigger than the other, not too noticeably; if you were to look you might notice a toe that is a bit longer than normal on his left foot. Then Trevor’s left thumb seemed to stop growing and we named it Mr Stubby, one hand looks characteristic of my hands with long thumb and the other looks like it came from my father-in-law Tom. Just the little idiosyncrasies that make Trevor a unique individual, much like the webbed toes that I have.
When Trevor was twelve he began to get migraine headaches that would last for months with no relief. He was also steadily growing and getting stronger. We already knew he had allergies to penicillin as well as seasonal allergies, but as he struggled with the migraines and we grappled with getting him treatment and relief we find out he had more medicine allergies. I have lost track of the number of ER visits he has had for anaphylactic reactions to pain medicines.
So it has been a long five years of different failed treatments with a few additional discoveries along the way; certain muscle groups that have not developed symmetrically which is very characteristic of Poland Syndrome, a birth defect that results in asymmetrical growth to include absence of some muscles on the effected side. Trevor has the symptoms of Postural tachycardia syndrome; as he moves from lying or sitting to standing his blood pressure and pulse rise drastically. Though the cardiologist he sees has not formally diagnosed Trevor, he did put Trevor on blood pressure medicine to regulate the change and it does seem to help. One doctor during a recent hospital stay mentioned Trevor may also have Fybromyalgia as indicated by pain at the trigger points on his neck and shoulders; we have not pursued that as we are already juggling pain management, cardiology, neurology, physical therapy, massage therapy, therapy to cope with pain and now acupuncture. Adding another specialist to the mix would not necessarily have any added benefit.
It was easy to explain how my daughter Courtney feels with her persistent flu like symptoms, but I want people to understand how Trevor feels everyday. You first must understand that he has not had a break from his migraine since February of 2014, his pain level has only fluctuated from bad to worse. I hope the following explanation will do justice to how he feels and can capture a bit of what he endures.
Based on many talks and observations of Trevor’s pain This is how I imagine it must feel and what it would take to replicate. You will need a few basic things; a good length of 2×4, a butane or propane torch, hammer and nails, the solution optometrists use to dilate pupils, 100 watt bright white bulb in a lamp, tape, an amp with a microphone and 2 speakers, and last but not least a slap file (wide flat piece of metal with teeth used to slap metal, worth looking up). The first thing would be to set the speakers up facing you at ear level, turn them way up and stick the microphone in front until you get awful feedback going; leave it in place and turn amp off. Tape eyelids open, add drops and place lamp facing directly at eyes; leaving it in place turn lamp off. Shave head, take slap file and beat scalp vigorously until tender to touch and entire head hurts, beat neck and shoulders with 2×4, Randomly throughout the course of 24 hours do the following to the scalp; apply torch, hammer and nails (not so hard to break anything) flip on amp for a few minutes, re-dilate eyes and flip on lamp for a few minutes, repeat slap file and 2×4 procedure frequently. Also randomly stand up and spin around rapidly until nauseated. The difference between his normal days and bad days would be how frequently you repeat the random processes.
Now this has become his new normal, a life filled with unending pain. Sometimes he goes days without sleep. He struggles lately to just keep going. I believe in him though, I see the strength he has within him and I know he can endure all things. He was home bound for almost a third of this past school year, before he became home bound he missed at least one day of school a week. Other than his english class, where he struggled to write through his pain, he passed all his classes and went to summer school for the english class and made a B. I couldn’t go to school everyday and make the grades he has made. I am really proud of him, of how he is learning to cope with his pain and succeeding in school despite the pain.

My daughter Courtney was born 4 weeks premature in the fall on 1995. In addition to being born premature Courtney had a cleft palate, jaundice, sleep apnea and under developed lungs. Early in her life she was faced with numerous ear infections requiring surgery to have tubes put in her ears, a surgery she would have twice; this was in addition to the two cleft palate repairs and a scraping of the scar tissue from the tubes when they were removed.
Courtney also has spent her life with a weakened immune system. Every cold, flu and bug that went around school, Courtney would end up sick. I can’t even remember all of the times she has had strep including since she started college.
The thing about it is though these are the kind of health problems that many people can hear about and say ok I understand that. The part that many people do not understand is that she also has Raynaud’s and Fibromyalgia and has had them her entire life. The Raynaud’s effects her extremities and when it is cold her hands and feet turn colors and hurt; they are also almost always cold to the touch. With the fibromyalgia she experiences daily pain she describes as the joint and muscle aches you feel when you are running a fever from the flu. She also has trigger points that are always painful to the touch, always the over achiever Courtney experiences pain at all eighteen points used as part of the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Additionally she suffers from muscle spasms, chronic fatigue, sleep issues, stomach issues as well as other symptoms.
All that being said Courtney has found ways in which she can cope and continue to live her life. In the coming month she will be starting her sophomore year at Agnes Scott College, her first year started off rough but she was able to pull it together and find a way to adjust; just as she always has done. Did she make it to school everyday, no; but she pushes herself through the adversity and keeps going. I am proud of Courtney for many reasons; she has grown up to become a wonderful young lady and is finding her way through life on her terms. There are things she still needs to figure out about life and being an adult but overall I think she is going to be ok.

“The United States needs a foreign policy that puts steel in the face of our enemies,”said Gov Walker of Wisconsin recently. This is a very popular sentiment among conservative, that our strength can come only from the weapons we posses and our willingness to use them.

I wonder what Gov Walker would say of a man with a wife and children; that spends his days strong arming the people he disagrees with, quick to brandish a gun and threaten violence. And if that same mans family became a burden on society because he did not ensure they were fed, clothed and educated. How would he judge that man? Perhaps a simply analogy but sometimes simple is better.

So what is the measure of strength of a nation? How much is spent on the military? What about the percentage of the population in poverty? What about high school graduation rates? College and technical school graduates?

I think it is time we had leaders that recognize we must be strong in all areas. That military might does not exist in a vacuum and that a nation much like a chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. Currently we are failing our next generation of soldiers by not investing in them now; failing to give them the best education the world has to offer.

In eastern philosophy and religion there is the concept of Yin and Yang, opposites that must be kept in balance in order to maintain balance in oneself or in the greater world. These opposing forces are hard to define as they can be masculine/feminine conservative/liberal; but above all they are the polar opposites that at once are attracting and repelling each other. If ever left alone to have free reign they become an Ouroboros; a snake eating its own tail.
In western philosophy and religion there really isn’t the same type of concept. More often than not there is a dominant submissive ideology, where the expectation is that everything is viewed as right or wrong. That one must be firm and steadfast, unwavering against views that because they are opposite must by their nature be wrong. Here too though as one ideology dominates and chokes out all others it too becomes an Ouroboros, unable to sustain itself.
If we look at the history of the United States we can see how there is an ebb and flow of power between conservatives and liberals. Each side alternating between a rise to power and self destruction. The length of stay in power usually correlating to how far from the center they govern. We are most successful when we put aside our differences and are able to find the common ground that can only come from compromise and a balance of ideas.
Maybe it is time we push forward a third party from the center willing to push for more compromise and work to build a more balanced body politic.

Path from the Greek patheia, a word part defined as suffering, feeling, emotion or disease which is determined by the prefix and suffix applied. There are many combinations that can be created but the four versions that I want to look at though are empathetic, sympathetic, apathetic and antipathetic; to provoke thought within myself as well as others.
So what do these words really mean and how do they impact who we are and how others see us in the world.
Empathetic from the Greek empatheia, to be in feeling. Being able to understand or be sensitive to the feelings, thoughts or experiences of another person or group of people; without having to explicitly share the experiences. To see or read about the struggles of others and mentally place your self in their shoes enough to have an understanding of their plight.
Sympathetic from the Greek sumpatheia, to be with feeling. Being able to feel the same feelings as another during their time of strife or trouble. Most often we think of this during times of loss or misfortune, friends who grieve with you during the loss of a loved one; can also be during times of joy though as we can have sympathetic feelings for a friend or loved ones good fortune.
Apethetic from the Greek apatheia, to be without feeling. Not caring, indifferent to the situation, an absence of feeling. When we just don’t care, doesn’t effect us so not our problem.
Antipathetic from the Greek, to be opposed in feeling. A dislike or aversion to others or situations.
In, with, without and opposed; a very broad range of feelings. Realistically we all experience this range of feelings even in the same day. Just today I feel empathy and sympathy for the families of the Marines killed in Tennessee. I also feel empathy for the family of the shooter. I feel antipathy towards people like the shooter who embrace violence. I also feel apathy for the myriad of people who will be voicing their opinions about what happened.
And this is how we all are; based on what is important to us, how we see the world or what we feel strongly about. So many factors go into how we cycle through these feelings. We are human and there will be things that make us angry or that we just don’t give a damn about. But what feelings do we portray to the world ultimately is all on ourselves. When other people look at the things we say and the actions we take, what do we want them to think.
But we have lives to live, crosses to bear and mole hills to build into mountains. Looking into our own lives with serious introspection is a hard and thankless task or an exercise in futility. I personally find it to be very hard; my low self esteem, lack of self worth in relation to other people and a desire to be accepted by others means that I am constantly questioning what i say and do. I probably spend way to much time worrying about these kind of things but for me it also comes from the study of many different religions and philosophies.
The Samurai believed that they were already dead at the beginning of each day, their lives already committed to their lord; so every action and interaction could not be taken back so one must be deliberate in everything. Because they viewed their death as already having occurred anything done that would bring shame to their lord could not be undone. Debts could not be repaid, slights excused. In Christianity this is akin to when Jesus says that when you pray to ask for forgiveness of your debts or trespasses as you also forgive the debts and trespasses of others. There is this expectation that these are daily occurrences so we should always be mindful of them and correct our behavior accordingly. In Buddhism and Hinduism the idea of karma requires mindfulness of interactions as your negative and positive actions return to you.
Other than atheism and just guessing but probably satanism; there is no religion that does not in some way address how our feelings and actions towards others impacts our own spirituality and soul. So I strive everyday to keep myself heading towards the path I want to be upon; to be an empathetic and sympathetic person.

I have this re-occurring nightmare. The situations are always different sometimes they involve me having to speak up for other people, others times I am having to speak up for myself. In each of these situations when I go to speak I can’t. Nothing will come out, no matter how hard I try I can not speak. My mind forms the words and they wont come out, my mouth stops working to the point I cannot breath. I wake up from these dreams in a cold sweat still unable to speak, it takes a few minutes for my mind to remember how my mouth works. For years now this nightmare has haunted me. My soul cries out for all the times I have been silent in my life. Keeping my mouth shut and my head down when I worked with a group of people that were just hateful towards everyone, back stabbing and vicious. Standing on loading docks and construction sites listening to every type of sexist, racial and religious slur possible used towards other people or in jokes,
Silence has always been easier for me as I think it is for many. I wasn’t the one they were talking about. I needed my job. My family needed me to support them. Don’t rock the boat. All of these little things we tell ourselves to justify our silence, our complacency. They can eat at our souls until they cry out in pain.

And I have gone through my life silent, keeping almost everyone at a safe distance. Hiding how I feel, afraid to let people in because what if I needed to defend them against such language and couldn’t. What if I had to defend someone else from them and couldn’t. Easier to not really make friends or open myself up to other people. Easier to hate myself for my silence.
Why I have chosen to break my silence through written words, on the internet; where anyone can find them. I don’t know. I think it is because words are still so hard to speak. This is actually easier for me, it allows for me to slowly, rationally try and articulate these thoughts. They are there so that anyone can read them. They do not allow me to back down.

Now there is a tough discussion. How do we recognize those who fought and died without celebrating their cause; is that even possible? How do we move forward and try to find real healing if we are still stuck in the past celebrating a myth; built to nurture the wounded pride of the defeated? How do we stand up against the clamor of voices that by removing the memorials, we are rewriting history; voices who were silent when the south reinvented the war as "the war of northern aggression", voices that are not up in arms that Texas just rewrote history by reducing the importance of slavery and erased Jim Crow. Will removing the memorials do anything other than inflame the anger and hatred of those who want to keep them.
I personally believe that tearing down the monuments will not change the hearts of those who emotionally clutch at preserving their "rebel" heritage. Neither will it fix any of the long standing societal problems that slavery, segregation and racism have created. Realistically I believe it could push us to the brink or over the edge into armed insurrection, if the pro/neo-confederates are serious and back up their words with action.
Perhaps the bigger question is can we as a society every get past this underlying issue until we face it head on. Maybe we should instead erect memorials to those who suffered under slavery; place them right next to each confederate memorial, prominent and large to stand in opposition and as a reminder of the war. I believe though that the statues for the kkk founders should not be left standing and instead be replaced with memorials to those who suffered and died at the hands of the kkk. If this truly is about heritage on what grounds could they oppose such a solution?
I typed all of this up and I read it and reread it wondering if I just sound one sided. Deep down I am an idealist. For me the ideas in the Declaration of Independence about equality and liberty are not mutually exclusive. In order for me to truly be equal then we must all be equal, in order for me to truly be free we must all be free. I think our founding fathers, despite having to compromise on slavery, despite the lack of rights for women at the time it was written; provided for us the true ideal of how great the United States of America could be in the preamble of the Constitution. Because in that one paragraph they did not limit who was establishing this nation instead they used the word WE and it is we the people who are to be united in a more perfect union. They even had the grace to allow for our failures, not a perfect union but a more perfect union, so we can grow and improve ourselves.
So maybe the question we should ask ourselves is do we want to maintain the status quo or find a path to grow together; balance our individual liberties with the ideal of equality for all. Hard decisions and questions to ponder.

Sort of a chicken and egg problem.Poverty negatively impacts education in a multitude of ways. Impoverished parents who work multiple jobs are not available to help their children. Impoverished areas do not have sufficient money to invest in education. Graduation rates suffer as people leave school to work. People working multiple jobs, rotating shifts; have to decide between a job or paying to further their education. Have children, well then you have to provide for them first.
Education, where to start. If we don’t invest in education well we get what we pay for every time. Make a habit of demonizing teachers and people won’t want to teach. Don’t invest in teachers and pay them competitive salaries in order to retain talent, well they eventually leave. Let politics and personal beliefs dictate what is taught then eventually you end up with a mess.
I understand that there are so many other issues involved that we can’t ever get past the complaining and finger pointing stage when it comes to fixing education but sooner or later enough of us need to decide that we have had enough and try to fight the good fight. I am not convinced that the states can succeed in fixing education as they continue to struggle decade after decade. Even within each state individual school districts have such disparity that it is time for a drastic change.
So here is a radical proposal to fix education nation wide, sure to twist the knickers of some but we need to fix this problem.
First step is to nationalize education and make all teachers federal employees with competitive salaries whether they are in a big city or a small rural town.
Establish reading, writing, math, science, civics, world and american history standards at the national level so that a student in any grade can move to another school anywhere else in the country without being penalized. This is especially true for the children of our service members who are faced with difficulties as duty stations change.
Have each state establish history requirements for their state and local regions.
Expand the school year to be year round and have physical education to provide a healthy balance to activity.
Provide after school activities, tutoring and homework labs so single parents and households were both parents work have a safe productive place for their children to stay and continue to learn.
Establish community outreach programs to encourage and help parents and guardians get involved effectively in the education of their children; we need to make this a positive experience for the entire community.
We have to start somewhere and decades of failing schools will not turn around overnight. The nation has to be committed to the cause, a commitment last seen in World War II when the nation as a whole was willing to sacrifice together.
Now I know there will be many who clamor and say that states rights would be trampled by this plan however the preamble to the Constitution clearly states "promote the general Welfare" and the education of children is part of the general welfare. This is restated in Section 8 "The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States" Congress has this authority it only has to exercise the authority.
Do I think this is a perfect solution, no. But this solution would be effective at normalizing how much is spent per pupil as well as ensuring students are receiving equal education. Fixing some of the basic issues will allow us to begin making positive changes.
One other major change we need to make is to re-prioritize and stop cutting education spending first because that just guarantees failure.

When I was in high school I became a christian joining a southern baptist church, read the bible through twice and the four gospels many times. The more I studied the gospels and tried to understand what Jesus meant for a christian to be, I began to question things.
How come the people around me only cared that they were saved, it was all that mattered to them and they would gladly proclaim it to any who would listen. Not with actions but with words. Why love your neighbor seemed to mean only their actual neighbors as long as they were Christians. Then there was the youth pastor cheating on his wife with one of the teen girls in the youth group, to avoid embarrassment it was kept silent despite it being statutory rape.
The last straw for me though was the racism both blatant and ingrained. I am not a big fan on quoting Paul as I have met too many people who can quote him but would be hard pressed to quote Jesus correctly. This passage however really speaks to a specific issue of ingrained racism seen throughout the south, the confederate flag.
Romans 14:13-23 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

20 Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.[a] 22 The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.[b]

I could not reconcile that the people around me who are supposed to be part of the body of Christ, the Church, the kingdom of God; thought that meant only white people like them. That these peopledid not care that they cause others to stumble, instead was just about them. So I left and cast aside my beliefs because I had no voice to stand up and tell them they were wrong and no desire to be like them That is why I have tried to speak out lately, to find my voice against what is wrong.