Came across this band this week, very funky. Enjoy

I have spent the better part of the last year struggling mentally and emotionally, fighting with failing medications. To be more specific the medicines I was on stopped working for me and I had a falling out with my psychiatrist. Now I am seeing a new doctor, one that finally listens to me and agrees that I am not just depressed but bipolar which makes so much sense based on my mood swings and general symptoms. I finally feel like I am getting the treatment I have so desperately needed. It is amazing how much a difference the right mood stabilizer can make in the way I feel day to day.

Of course now I am faced with another dilemma, I have motivation but there are so many things I need to catch up on around the house as well as things I want to do that I am feeling almost paralyzed by a lack of organization. My body simply cannot work as fast as my mind is wanting it to, so I have to figure this out.

After more than a year of being depressed beyond my normal levels and having no motivation whatsoever, I am trying to get back to living life beyond just working. I have a long road ahead of me but I am working on letting go of all of my stress and just breathing every day. My goal is to get back to writing everyday, baby steps

It is strange where I find my thoughts some days, grasping at memories from my adolescence, desperately seeking some lost knowledge and understanding. It is as if I think that this unknown, intangible, something; can somehow transform my life.

At any moment the breathe we draw may be our last, fleeting and at times fragile is the existence of mortal creatures. Some people spend their lives just trying to survive day to day, others spend theirs amassing power and wealth. Some spend their lives hating and spreading hate. Others spend their lives loving and spreading love.

It is so easy to see the hate being overwhelming and over powering, to lose hope in a world full of lies and ignorance.

In such a world how do we determine and hold on to what matters. Where do we find the courage?

Quite simply that if no collusion occurred between Russia and trump then trump wouldn’t be Putin’s little bitch.

I have spent months starting posts I never finished. Wanting to express myself but simply being too discouraged and depressed to get anything coherent out of my head. For months I have been trying to make sense of how to be thankful that I am blessed and fortunate to be keeping my job during a downsizing at my employer, while my fellow colleagues have been let go. With the health problems of my little family and debts from medical, education, and life expenses I am ever so grateful to still be employed but I know I am not unique or special in that regard.

So, in this New Year I will just keep pushing forward and praying. It will feel better, when it stops hurting.

To wake up everyday with a desire to write but no words, just emotions and fleeting thoughts.

I often contemplate the nature of my soul and very existence. What purpose do I serve in this world? Why is my mind so fractured and wildly out of control all of the time, how is that useful?

If everything is ordered according to God’s plan, what could he have possibly been thinking to do with me? Also how is a person whose mental and emotional state is in such a constant state of turmoil ever figure out God’s plan for their life? God doesn’t speak to me, and if he was speaking to me he needs to stop using my own voice because that isn’t working too well.

So, in moments of semi clarity I cry out why! What were you thinking God?

Republicans who obstructed everything President Obama tried to do, complaining about Democrats obstructing trump.

Are we the nation born in the fires of war, proudly proclaiming our independence, laying out an ideology of rights granted by our Creator, rights that have been the cornerstone of a roadmap that despite our failings has brought us this far. We are an imperfect people, we continue to stumble along and fall short of the path we have laid out. But what is sad and even pathetic is how so many want to just live in the comfort of what they have, are not willing to want the same freedom and inequality for others. Somehow a large group of people believe that you can only fight for freedom on the front lines of a war as a soldier and if they are free well everyone else is as well.

Look, if there is a single person in this country who cannot drive down the street without getting pulled over because of the color of their skin then none of us is free. Freedom just as with life is a journey not a destination. If we do not stand up and fight for all Americans to be free and be constantly vigilant in maintaining the forward momentum of Freedom then eventually complacency will lead to erosion of rights. All you have to do is look around and see that there are men who want to repeal the 14th through the 19th amendments, why? Because they want only white men to vote, if some of them had their way only white property owners would be able to vote. Then there are those who actively refuse to treat all people equally under the law, from judges to law enforcement, this is a problem that is entrenched across the country and until all of the people are willing to stand against such abuses they will continue.

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