I was talking to my wife Phoebe this morning and she suggested I try to draw this chaos and the try to explain it from there. So I have done the best I could and this is what I have come up with to give a bit of semblance.
Now all of these dots are active thoughts bouncing around in my mind and does not include what I am actively trying to work on such as writing this post. The position of this chaos is also not static.
- Some days it exists as if out in front of me, consuming all of my vision. Everything I must work on is through this barrage of thoughts.
- Some days it surrounds me, these are my better days. The thoughts are bouncing around but manageable.
- Some days it is behind me. I actually hate these days because there is just a vacuum and it is hard to think about anything at all.
So what about all of these thoughts and ideas, here are all the ones that have gone past my focal point in my mind within the last 15 minutes since I started trying to compose this post.
- How is my brother doing, I wish I could figure out how to communicate with him.
- I hope my mom has enough firewood
- i hope this post is making sense
- I need to get on the road soon
- I hope there is something thawed out for dinner
- Hope Pastor Debbie has had a safe trip home.
- wonder if the nerve blocks are making a difference on Phoebe’s hands
- did Trevor find his medicine.
- I need to do a water color card for Aunt Dolly tonight and send to encourage her
- Did I remember to check the backups
- I need to get two public folders converted tonight
- I really should delegate the clean up of these extensions but I want to see if there is a bulk way to do this
- should i go to chiropractor tonight
- do i want to get an epidural done or just increase the medicine
- i have to get the yard raked and the leaves cleaned up in front of the house
- I hope Trevor was able to get some school work done and turned in
- how do I help Trevor
- why don’t people see the world the way I do
- i am hungry
- what am I going to do to learn financial discipline
- how do you write a letter of encouragement
That is just a sample, mainly because I can not type as fast as my mind, some things are not form-able into written words and somethings just need to stay in my mind. Also not all thoughts are equal; I am constantly thinking on Phoebe, Courtney and Trevor. I am also constantly thinking on my work and the job I do.
Hopefully this makes a bit of sense.
You can check me off the list. I have plenty of firewood.
Ok one item down, a few more to go.