Category: Uncategorized

This evening I will be getting an evaluation done as part of the pre-authorization requirements for a “partial inpatient hospitalization.” What this means is that next week I will be spending my vacation in a mental health facility during the day and going home each night. Well if my insurance company gives the approval. The part that makes me nervous is what to do if I go in for the evaluation and they want to keep me. I have prior commitments this week including work and I view this as a very valid concern. This is one of the reasons that can make it difficult for persons with mental health concerns to seek the treatment that they need as it can be a fine line between voluntary and involuntary hospitalization.

Of course, unlike a hospital stay for physical problems, a stay at a mental health facility means no cell phone, no belt, no shoe laces, etc. In other words isolation from the outside world and protection against self-injury. This does not even touch on the entire social stigma that goes along with a stay of any type at a mental health facility. Luckily for me, that part does not bother me but I know that for other people it can make seeking help impossible because of how society will treat them.

So, if all goes well I get evaluated, insurance blesses it and I spend the week in a focused therapy regiment, maybe some medication changes all while getting to sleep in my own bed each night.

A little something from my sketchbook, both are ballpoint pen sketches. The lamp is a still life and the pond is loosely based on a picture.

I had a dream the other night that keeps replaying in my mind. There was a little lab rat and they started him off in an easy maze, he would run through it and get his little piece of food and was happy. Each day a pair of gloved hands would reach in a lift him out of his cage, place him in the maze and off he would go. Over a short time period, the mazes got larger and more complex. Satisfied that the little rat was sufficiently trained, the scientist started introducing slight static charges if the rat arrived at a dead end and had to turn around. Nothing painful mind you, just a bit of a nudge to discourage going down the wrong path. After a few weeks, the little rat moved more cautiously through the mazes, sniffing for the food at each intersection before proceeding.

Then one day the moved the rat to another room and each day was the same thing. A pair of gloved hands would pick him up out of his cage and place him in the maze. Now each day the maze changed and he could smell the food, however, when he arrived at the dish it might have food, be empty, or he would get shocked when he touched it. And no longer was it a little static electricity shock, but a painful charge. After a few weeks, the rat would try to hide in the corner of his cage from the gloved hands; his fur started falling out and he was losing weight.

One day the hands placed him in the maze and he just lay there, not moving. Suddenly he felt it, the shocking jolt and he took off running. He stopped at an intersection to sniff for the food and as he was trying to decide, suddenly he felt it again and just blindly took off running. He ran all the way down the passage and reached a dead end, more pain racked his little body. He took off running back the way he came, back to the intersection, but the pain continued with each step. Back at the intersection, he tried to stop and sniff, but he was hurting so he took off down another passage. He was lucky and reached the food dish and the pain stopped, but the dish was empty. This continued on, some days there was food, other days nothing. The pain, however, was a constant.

That is where my dream ended and it was so vivid it stuck in my mind, which is very unusual in itself. So, now I am wondering am I the rat? Does the maze represent my depression and anxiety? How long before the poor rat would just give up and lay there or would he keep going? Maybe this was just a nightmare and nothing more. Does anyone else feel like the rat?

That is all that comes to my mind every day when I check the news. We are now living in an era that completely defies logic and I keep waiting for the next shoe to drop. Who am I kidding, I am in a constant state of biting my tongue, trying to maintain a modicum of patience and it slips away with each passing day.

Three people have been shot in “get out of my country” incidents, one of them died, and yet some people question why there are Americans who now live in fear since The Republicans won the Whitehouse on a campaign of conspiracy theories and hate. It just blows my mind. This entire mentality that non-whites in America should be all content and happy when white supremacists are on a meteoric rise once again and are influencing the government.

I just do not know anymore.

Catching up on my reading for my dFree class http://mydfree.org and what a powerful message regarding Luke 6:41-42, Dr Soaries says “We can no longer afford to see what is wrong with others and ignore what is wrong with us. We are called upon to see ourselves, and if we are living in hell, we need to tell the truth about ourselves to ourselves.” Dr Soaries is talking about those issues that lead us into financial slavery and keep us enchained, but is this not one of the cornerstones of Christianity, confession of our sins. How much of our sins though do we truly confess? How often do we lie to ourselves and leave our biggest sins hidden, and by biggest, I simply mean the ones that control our lives and stand in the way of a right relationship with God.

For me this part is easy, I have always had low self-esteem, so seeing what is wrong in my life, is as natural as breathing. The fixing and overcoming those issues, well that is another story altogether.

The road to freedom is not a pleasant path, to be walked in comfort or leisure. No, the road to freedom is a hard road, awash with the tears and blood of many. There are times when the road is wide and welcoming, yet even in the wide spaces, you can see that many are pushed off the road, are barred from entering. Other times, the road is narrow and twisted, as some use their own freedom to take away freedom from others, failing to understand that when injustice exists, freedom is absent.

For freedom to truly exist, for it to be a place, as opposed to a destination, everyone must be free. If at any point, when restrictions are placed upon any group of people, then those restrictions exist for all people. Take for example the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, it states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Fifty-two years ago African Americans fought a court battle to march 54 miles down Alabama State Highway 80 from Selma to Montgomery. Today the right to assemble is being systematically taken away as states pass legislation intended to curtail opposition voices from being heard.

After making a journey to Selma, reading the history of what occurred in the early parts of 1965, that it was unlawful for more than 3 people to meet and discuss voting rights. Law enforcement, arresting and beating African Americans as they lined up to register to vote. Killings, mass arrests, beatings with billy clubs, whips, cattle-prods. So much hate, hate that is just as visible today, and it is that hate that tears down the road to freedom. It is only when we use our freedom to ensure the freedom of everyone, that we are truly free.

I remember when gas pumps had super long hoses that could reach across a car so it didn’t matter which side your tank was on. It just occurred to me why you don’t see them anymore. When they were longer there was a hose for each fuel type. Now there is a single hose for regular/medium/high grade. Now, not knowing the exact dimensions of the hoses but based on flow rates, I would posit that the average hose holds anywhere from 1/4 – 1/2 gallon, so the first bit of gas you get, is the same type as the last person pumped. This would definitely explain why the shortened the hoses.

Because today has been a mess, full of stress, I present the iPhone adaptive text blog post of nothingness.

The fact is I have just been able for this article and not everyone has a better chance than I am angry because they have to be more than just one article about it. This article should not only have been used for a political article but the fact is not a political issue for a discussion on this how does one not want the discussion of discussion. Surely you have the right words and the truth about how the old one was going through your own words of a man with what I did not to say that the truth and he came and he has to the article to see what is happening. However the article is not a problem with the article article and article article on the article article and article article on a different section and is a problem for a few days and I have to be done by this app for this discussion but it has to have an idea. Granted I have a few more things but it does have a different problem and then we have had to be a better person than this one but it was the first thing that we should be doing to this discussion and we are a better source for discussion and then we can see the fact is there are people who think they are a better source than this discussion.

This article has been raised by a few different states but not only the fact we have to do with the discussion of article is that the fact that we are at this point is a fact. The only way you could have been able to get more coins for a game is to have a different level than the game. Subsequently he has a chance of meatballs but not a problem with his family as a political witch who is the only person that is a man. Furthermore it does not matter if you have a source or the discussion of the source and the source is a fact of a problem that we should have been able to discuss it as well but it was the only person who has a problem. Therefore it should have to do more to make the things a different issue with a discussion about how people can see it and then they have been able an act to have the same discussion of what the other person would have done for a political platform and then they would ask for him to make a different point and not let him be happy with his words.

If this blog post made any sense to you, I highly recommend ceasing all alcohol consumption and seeking immediate treatment for the state of your mind.

”Number one, I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Number two, racism, the least racist person,” says U.S. President Donald Trump when questioned by reporters at the White House.

The President of the United States, Republican Trump, either just admitted he is anti-Semitic and Racist, or he does not what the word least means. So we are all left to draw our own conclusions as to which way to take what he said. I for one am making my conclusion based on his words and actions, that he is in fact an anti-Semitic racist who does not know what the word least means.

In his press conference today Trump said the following.

“We got 306 because people came out and voted like they’ve never seen before so that’s the way it goes. I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. In other words, the media’s trying to attack our administration because they know we are following through on pledges that we made and they’re not happy about it for whatever reason.”

But that is a lie, according to The National Archives and Records Administration Trump only got 304 check it out. https://www.archives.gov/federal-register/electoral-college/2016/election-results.html

Also, Trump, you guessed wrong, you only did better than GW Bush.

• 2016 Donald Trump 306 vs Hillary Clinton 227
• 2012 Barack Obama 332 vs Mitt Romney 206
• 2008 Barack Obama 365 vs John McCain 173
• 2004 George W Bush 286 vs John Kerry 251
• 2000 George W Bush 271 vs Al Gore 266
• 1996 Bill Clinton 379 vs Bob Dole 159
• 1992 Bill Clinton 370 vs George Bush 168
• 1988 George Bush 426 vs Michael Dukakis 111

I know, I know, “alternative facts” are the mainstay of this administration, but damn it I want the president to be accurate when he gives facts because credibility makes a difference. If we cannot take the president at his word on how many electoral votes he received, how can we believe anything he says?

I won’t even go into the mindboggling WTFery that tries to make the jump from saying you have an “illegal leak” of classified information to being “fake news.” If the information is real and “classified” then any stories written detailing that leaked information, must by their very nature be true. In the case of leaking classified information that covers up criminal activity, such as in a case involving a violation of the Logan Act would actually fall into the Whistleblower category. Bottom line, if the “leaked information” was, in fact, a lie then we can call it fake news and put out the truth.