Philosophy, poetry, and musings from the WTFery Institute. A think tank, working to solve the problem of thoughts trapped in the mind.
I just got my 411th subscriber. I seem to be popular among yahoo.com users, though I am a bit concerned that my most recent subscriber is from @fastshipcialis.com \_(O.o)_/ seems as legit as my certificate of ownership to the Brooklyn Bridge. So I am asking all of my subscribers to check in, drop a comment good, bad or otherwise. What would you like to see in this blog?
Change is a hard thing. I have spent a lifetime of standing on my own, relying on my own strength and sheer will to get through each situation that I have faced; I just do not know any other way. Now I am trying to be a man of faith and after just over a year I feel like I am still in the same spot that I started from a year ago. I do not know how to lean on the Lord and feel inadequate in my faith. I do not know how to trust in the Lord or take him at his word. I do not know how to praise and thank the Lord.
I do not know how to serve the Lord.
I do not know how to love myself or all of my neighbors, in fact there are some I just cannot even grasp where to begin. So I struggle along, not sure how or what to do but keep trying.
Not even getting into any political aspects but Hillary Clinton has to win because a Trump supporter promised that if she does, we will have taco trucks on every corner across America. I need this to happen, I love tacos and I have heard wonderful things about these taco trucks out in California and Georgia needs them desperately; Manchester, GA especially could use more food options for lunch. So Hillary Clinton please add this to your campaign promises and deliver ASAP. Also maybe some Vietnamese and Korean food trucks as well and mandatory side of the road barbecue trailers.
If one wants to know how doomed we are as a nation and a species, one need look no further than grown people taking to comment boards and twitter to leave derogatory comments about the looks of Beyonce and Jay-Zs daughter Blue Ivy. If there is any doubt regarding the capacity and desire of people to inflict harm on fellow human beings or oppress other people through their words or actions, adults attacking children in any form is just about as low as it gets.
Communication is probably my greatest weak point in life. So much so that it seems to always be my biggest hit every year on my evaluations at work. I have less communicative ability than a pet rock and unfortunately with some relationships I have a need for validation that sits in direct juxtaposition to my social ineptness which has always been a recipe for disaster. I have this reoccurring nightmare daydream that something important is going on and I cannot speak, my mouth will not open or opens only slightly, and no sound comes out. I feel like Neo in the Matrix when Agent Smith is interrogating him and his mouth sticks together.
This inability to communicate is hindering my new found desire to communicate and build friendships that has come with my new medicine. I take that back it is not a new found desire but instead a sense of stability within myself that is allowing me to try and overcome decades long bout of silence or meaningless conversations to bridge a gap that I have always seen as lacking on my part. And it is not just a matter of trying to communicate but a desire to repair how I communicate, to put an end to my pessimistic nature and biting sarcasm; sarcasm that only gets worse when I am having a bad day emotionally.
It is easy to think about changing something about ourselves, but actually changing is something else entirely. Sometimes lately I think it might be best to just fade back into the background, that in the silence may be where I truly belong. It is a very frustrating conundrum.