Month: February 2016

I used to say “I am color blind” but that is not quite how I see things, it is much more complicated than that. So here is how I see the world.
Your skin color, gender, size, age, religious beliefs, or any other box or classification the world puts you into does not matter to me when it comes to deciding whether I want to be your friend, help you, or what kind of job or title you should hold. I am socially inept and struggle emotionally so I may have a hard time with opening up and becoming your friend, but that is true with everyone but my wife Phoebe. If I see that you need help I will offer of just jump in, if you ask me I usually won’t hesitate. I never look at a person and think or say you shouldn’t be doing this or that because of _________ where that blank has anything to do with skin color, gender, age, being handicapped or any reason; I do reserve the right to be impressed if you are doing a job society doesn’t want you to be doing because I disagree with society a lot.
Those categories do matter when I am getting to know you because of the following reasons. 1. I may want to know more about your heritage.
2. If you are older I may want to ask you about your life experiences 3. if you are younger I may want to ensure I do not talk down to you.
So I do see those differences and I know that some of those differences carry with them a lifetime of oppression from society in general from institutional racism to open racism. So I may tread lightly and I may step wrong sometimes, in fact I I have no doubt that I have helped pave some of the road to hell. But I try to live my life without judging others, trying to be a friend and give everyone the same courtesy, struggling to get to know people.

so there is me and my view of the world, a piece of it anyways

I signed up for a couch to 5k program and yesterday was the start of week 3. Unfortunately as I am progressing my body is reminding me why I actually do get paid every month by the VA. My left knee and ankle are feeling like someone had a field day on them with a baseball bat. I am questioning my sanity at this point but my lungs really need the aerobic exercise and I absolutely love running. I will never be combat effective but I don’t have to be, so I will just keep trying to push myself along and hopefully get a little stronger.

Feeling Fractured…
Staring into a broken mirror,
a scattered image staring back.

Events occur and suddenly I am off course, grasping at whatever I can to try and get back on track as the world crashes by me. I just feel so weak because all I want to do is get all of the problems off of my chest. To scream out my frustrations, unburden myself without feeling judged for just letting it all go. Sometimes though all I can do is retreat within and try to weather the storm. Getting back out though is proving difficult.