Month: July 2015

So Jesus came not as a general or a political leader but as a sacrificial lamb; preaching the Kingdom of God, repentance and love. Espousing such ideas as turning the other cheek, going the second mile, forgiveness and to spread the gospel that he taught. And he clearly lays out that those who follow him will be persecuted in his name, even killed and they must not lose faith.

In Texas a pastor shot someone  who broke into a church. “I commanded him to stop twice, and he didn’t. So fearing for my life, I did what I had to do,” Mr. Holmes told a local ABC affiliate. Now after what happened in Charleston, SC I completely understand the sentiment of Pastor Holmes.

What I ponder is how does one truly embrace faith completely, where the fear of losing ones own life no longer exists. What would it be like to face everything that might come with no fear only peace of mind and soul?

It is difficult when I can’t carry on a conversation. In fact as far back as I can remember I have struggled to speak with people. There have of course been a few exceptions along the way but most of the time I can’t get the thoughts in my head and articulate them, they usually remain stuck. I desperately want to change that about myself.
In life we make choices; some good, some bad and some just in between. We have to live with the choices we make, learn from them and grow as a person. Sometimes even the good choices can eventually take us to places we don’t want to go, as circumstances change and the tide that took us into the shore turns and pulls us out into the deep. We should always remember that there are people we care about who can help see us through or we can help see through their struggles; even if we can only lend an ear.

Throughout my life I have encountered two different types of Christian people who want to influence my life. These two different types of people have always left me conflicted on Christianity and my own personal beliefs in life. Understand I am not judging either type instead what I am doing is simply providing a particular perspective gleaned from many years interacting with different people. I could add more disclaimers but the reality is that all of us will read this differently and some will take offense but I will write this anyways.
The first type of person who I will refer to as person A, proclaims to the world with their words and deeds “I am saved, I am forgiven, I am perfect!”. The second type of person or person B, proclaims with their words and deeds “God has saved me, God forgives me, I am not perfect”.
Now person A comes across to those who are not Christian as brash and rude; and that really does not bother them as they are unapologetic. Early in getting to know you they will ask “are you saved” and “what church do you attend” and it comes across not as “hey I want to know you as a person” but “I have to know if you are like me”. Not responding fast enough or with the right answers that they want to hear will unleash a barrage. Person B may not ever directly broach the subject of these two questions instead they may at some point invite you to attend a special function at their church or lend an attentive ear, be a friend and share their life. Their interactions with the people in their lives makes you desire to become their friend and get to know them. They can be generous to a fault but do their best not to allow others to see the extent of their charity.
Person A seems to always be railing against small specific groups of people for their particular sins; in this they are also very vocal and unapologetic; often times expressing how the country is going down hill because of particular people. Person B seems to always be helping people and making friends, they are very vocal about protecting the secular rights of other people and can look past the sins people commit to offer them love; they meet people where they are in life.
These are two very distinct points of view of what is supposed to be the same religious belief. How people who are not Christian react to them can be very different. A non Christian will encounter person A and this will establish a negative opinion of Christians and Christianity. If they encounter person B first they may have a favorable opinion and be open to learning more about Christianity until they encounter person A then their opinion may change.
So what is a person to do? Does anyone else encounter these types of people and if so how do you deal with this situation?

Somedays I just get frustrated. Words escape me. I see injustice and blindness in this world and I want to speak out and falter because I know that words have this great power; they often times only tell us what we want to hear.
I could for example provide a passage of scripture for people to think about but where would their thoughts go first. For example in Daniel 4:27 "Therefore, Your Majesty, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue.” Do you immediately only think these words are meant just for King Nebuchadnezzar. Perhaps you know someone else that you see as sinful and wicked; oh yes those words are for them.
If I then tell you that Black lives Matter, what is your response?
What then if give you this passage to ponder, Luke 14:12-14. "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and repayment come to you. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." Ok that seems pretty straightforward.
If I then ask you to support the foodstamp program, what is your response?
How about something a bit more recent; "We the People in order to form a more Perfect union". Who are the we and why can’t they be trusted?
See those words can mean so many different things depending on what we want to hear and believe. It is our choice whether we deny the oppression of others or show them kindness, to feed the hungry or the wealthy, to see We as all or as only us.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Frank Herbert, Dune
My favorite quote from the book Dune. But to me it is more than just a quote, it is an axiom to a truth about fear.
Fear can start from anywhere or anything. Fears can be rational or irrational. They can be small and inconsequential or can be all consuming. No matter though they can control our lives, kill our minds and enslave our souls. Only by facing our fears can we free ourselves.

Do you question whether other people love America?
Do you disparage other people based on their appearance?
Do you say or write anything that is in any way derogatory against another person or group of people?

If we do any of these things and if we are being honest with ourselves, we do. Then maybe we need to do some soul searching.

I am.

To have two children, both of whom are struggling with debilitating health problems is in a word, difficult. To see them in the prime of their lives, fighting to get through each day can be both heart wrenching and frustrating.
As parents we juggle doctor’s and specialists. We might choose jobs based on health insurance. We pay for treatments, prescriptions, co-pays and deductibles. Doctor recommends something not covered by insurance, somehow we come up with the money. We keep going everyday and we do all that we can to encourage our children and provide for them and their future.
Sometimes we can be emotional; we may not share with the world all of our struggles, in fact some may just be too private to share. There may even be times you may look at us and question if we know what we are doing or want to give us advice; please consider though if that will help us in the end. Saying things to us that brings into question our abilities as parents does nothing but tear us down and we may already be wavering on our feet.Yes we know you love us and you mean well; but sometimes all we want and need is for you to tell our children they are in your thoughts and prayers.

My son Trevor was born 5 weeks premature in the spring of 1998. In addition to being born premature Trevor had jaundice and was born meconium in utero; meaning he had a bowel movement at or during delivery. From what I have read this occurs in post date deliveries or if the baby is in fetal stress during labor and delivery. After a week in NICU Trevor came home a healthy happy boy.
During his early years aside from having to have tubs put in his ears and an illness that included a touch and go ER, visit as well as a week in the hospital; Trevor progressed normally.
Somewhere along the line one foot seemed to become a little bigger than the other, not too noticeably; if you were to look you might notice a toe that is a bit longer than normal on his left foot. Then Trevor’s left thumb seemed to stop growing and we named it Mr Stubby, one hand looks characteristic of my hands with long thumb and the other looks like it came from my father-in-law Tom. Just the little idiosyncrasies that make Trevor a unique individual, much like the webbed toes that I have.
When Trevor was twelve he began to get migraine headaches that would last for months with no relief. He was also steadily growing and getting stronger. We already knew he had allergies to penicillin as well as seasonal allergies, but as he struggled with the migraines and we grappled with getting him treatment and relief we find out he had more medicine allergies. I have lost track of the number of ER visits he has had for anaphylactic reactions to pain medicines.
So it has been a long five years of different failed treatments with a few additional discoveries along the way; certain muscle groups that have not developed symmetrically which is very characteristic of Poland Syndrome, a birth defect that results in asymmetrical growth to include absence of some muscles on the effected side. Trevor has the symptoms of Postural tachycardia syndrome; as he moves from lying or sitting to standing his blood pressure and pulse rise drastically. Though the cardiologist he sees has not formally diagnosed Trevor, he did put Trevor on blood pressure medicine to regulate the change and it does seem to help. One doctor during a recent hospital stay mentioned Trevor may also have Fybromyalgia as indicated by pain at the trigger points on his neck and shoulders; we have not pursued that as we are already juggling pain management, cardiology, neurology, physical therapy, massage therapy, therapy to cope with pain and now acupuncture. Adding another specialist to the mix would not necessarily have any added benefit.
It was easy to explain how my daughter Courtney feels with her persistent flu like symptoms, but I want people to understand how Trevor feels everyday. You first must understand that he has not had a break from his migraine since February of 2014, his pain level has only fluctuated from bad to worse. I hope the following explanation will do justice to how he feels and can capture a bit of what he endures.
Based on many talks and observations of Trevor’s pain This is how I imagine it must feel and what it would take to replicate. You will need a few basic things; a good length of 2×4, a butane or propane torch, hammer and nails, the solution optometrists use to dilate pupils, 100 watt bright white bulb in a lamp, tape, an amp with a microphone and 2 speakers, and last but not least a slap file (wide flat piece of metal with teeth used to slap metal, worth looking up). The first thing would be to set the speakers up facing you at ear level, turn them way up and stick the microphone in front until you get awful feedback going; leave it in place and turn amp off. Tape eyelids open, add drops and place lamp facing directly at eyes; leaving it in place turn lamp off. Shave head, take slap file and beat scalp vigorously until tender to touch and entire head hurts, beat neck and shoulders with 2×4, Randomly throughout the course of 24 hours do the following to the scalp; apply torch, hammer and nails (not so hard to break anything) flip on amp for a few minutes, re-dilate eyes and flip on lamp for a few minutes, repeat slap file and 2×4 procedure frequently. Also randomly stand up and spin around rapidly until nauseated. The difference between his normal days and bad days would be how frequently you repeat the random processes.
Now this has become his new normal, a life filled with unending pain. Sometimes he goes days without sleep. He struggles lately to just keep going. I believe in him though, I see the strength he has within him and I know he can endure all things. He was home bound for almost a third of this past school year, before he became home bound he missed at least one day of school a week. Other than his english class, where he struggled to write through his pain, he passed all his classes and went to summer school for the english class and made a B. I couldn’t go to school everyday and make the grades he has made. I am really proud of him, of how he is learning to cope with his pain and succeeding in school despite the pain.

My daughter Courtney was born 4 weeks premature in the fall on 1995. In addition to being born premature Courtney had a cleft palate, jaundice, sleep apnea and under developed lungs. Early in her life she was faced with numerous ear infections requiring surgery to have tubes put in her ears, a surgery she would have twice; this was in addition to the two cleft palate repairs and a scraping of the scar tissue from the tubes when they were removed.
Courtney also has spent her life with a weakened immune system. Every cold, flu and bug that went around school, Courtney would end up sick. I can’t even remember all of the times she has had strep including since she started college.
The thing about it is though these are the kind of health problems that many people can hear about and say ok I understand that. The part that many people do not understand is that she also has Raynaud’s and Fibromyalgia and has had them her entire life. The Raynaud’s effects her extremities and when it is cold her hands and feet turn colors and hurt; they are also almost always cold to the touch. With the fibromyalgia she experiences daily pain she describes as the joint and muscle aches you feel when you are running a fever from the flu. She also has trigger points that are always painful to the touch, always the over achiever Courtney experiences pain at all eighteen points used as part of the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Additionally she suffers from muscle spasms, chronic fatigue, sleep issues, stomach issues as well as other symptoms.
All that being said Courtney has found ways in which she can cope and continue to live her life. In the coming month she will be starting her sophomore year at Agnes Scott College, her first year started off rough but she was able to pull it together and find a way to adjust; just as she always has done. Did she make it to school everyday, no; but she pushes herself through the adversity and keeps going. I am proud of Courtney for many reasons; she has grown up to become a wonderful young lady and is finding her way through life on her terms. There are things she still needs to figure out about life and being an adult but overall I think she is going to be ok.

“The United States needs a foreign policy that puts steel in the face of our enemies,”said Gov Walker of Wisconsin recently. This is a very popular sentiment among conservative, that our strength can come only from the weapons we posses and our willingness to use them.

I wonder what Gov Walker would say of a man with a wife and children; that spends his days strong arming the people he disagrees with, quick to brandish a gun and threaten violence. And if that same mans family became a burden on society because he did not ensure they were fed, clothed and educated. How would he judge that man? Perhaps a simply analogy but sometimes simple is better.

So what is the measure of strength of a nation? How much is spent on the military? What about the percentage of the population in poverty? What about high school graduation rates? College and technical school graduates?

I think it is time we had leaders that recognize we must be strong in all areas. That military might does not exist in a vacuum and that a nation much like a chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. Currently we are failing our next generation of soldiers by not investing in them now; failing to give them the best education the world has to offer.