Today

Some days there is nothing but the heartache. Nothing but the pain of loss dragging me down into the depths of despair. Days like today I feel so alone, I want to talk but the words just wont come out of my mouth. I am still grieving in my own way, even if it means all I do is suppress my feelings, pushing them down and bottling them up. It has always been easier to keep it all in rather than deal with the pain, even if it feels like sometimes I am going to break. I think the hardest part, why I suppress how I feel is the mood swings I experience. I could be in the middle of depression and numb the next moment, or happy, who knows. It is also difficult to speak when the words may take hours to string together coherently.