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More on Grieving

I just wanted to share a poem that my father kept on a 3×5 card on his desk that I now keep on mine. This is for all of the warriors who have come home, whose strength I will never question. Because even those who stand rough and ready, who answer a call of service beyond themselves; they too deserve to grieve and mourn for those they have lost and not be questioned in their pain even those for whom it is too much to bear.

If you are able,
save them a place
inside of you
and save one backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can
no longer go.
Be not ashamed to say
you loved them,
though you may
or may not have always.
Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying
and keep it with your own.
And in that time
when men decide and feel safe
to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.

Major Michael Davis O’Donnell 1 January 1970 Dak To, Vietnam
MIA March 1970 Confirmed KIA 2001

 

On Grieving

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye

I read this poem at my Fathers funeral in 2014 and I found in it comfort. Comfort in the reminder that my father is always with me every step of the way through my life.
As loved ones, family and friends; we endure the loss of those we love and all of the heartache it may bring. Yet they are always with us. We celebrate their lives and join together to share in memories; and they are always with us. We regale each other with stories and they live on.
We mourn our loss and that is ok, because their lives filled a special place in our hearts that only they could fill and it takes time. Our mourning and our grief gives us this time to reflect on those we love and is a process not an event. Give yourself permission to grieve. As the memories come forth, cherish them, if you can write them down and share them with others. Remember the smiles, laughter, quirks; everything that made them the person that you love and cherish. Keep them ever in their place within your heart, so that when you need their encouragement those memories will come forth and lift you up.
If there are things you wish you could have said, say them. If there are dreams that you shared, it is ok to fulfill them. Shed your tears as you need to, unashamedly.

 

 

More proof that republicans in congress will blame President Obama for everything

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, speaking at a separate news conference, shared Ryan’s concerns. “It appears there may be some unintended ramifications of that and I do think it’s worth further discussing,” he said. “But it’s certainly is not something that was going to be fixed this week.” McConnell said Obama didn’t reach out to him until this week, which was after the bill had passed both chambers, been vetoed, and was facing an override vote that clearly was going to succeed. “That was a good example of the failure to communicate early about a piece of legislation that was obviously very popular,” McConnell said. McConnell explained that lawmakers were very focused on the needs of the 9/11 families and didn’t take the time to think through the consequences. “Because everyone was aware who the potential beneficiaries were, but nobody focused on the potential downside in terms of our international relationships. And I just think it was a ball dropped,” McConnell said. “I wish the President — and I hate to blame everything on him and I don’t — but it would have been helpful had…we had a discussion about this much earlier than the last week.”
Doesn’t take much of a search to find this
The White House on Monday signaled President Obama would veto legislation to allow Americans to sue the government of Saudi Arabia for any role officials played in the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks.
“Given the long list of concerns I have expressed … it’s difficult to imagine a scenario in which the president would sign the bill as it’s currently drafted,” White House press secretary Josh Earnest told reporters.
Earnest argued the legislation could jeopardize U.S. citizens overseas if other countries were to pass reciprocal laws that remove foreign immunity in their courts. “It could put the United States and our taxpayers and our service members and our diplomats at significant risk if other countries were to adopt a similar law,” he said. “The whole notion of sovereign immunity is at stake.”
So in April President Obama says he will veto the legislation and highlights his concerns, In September when it arrives at his desk he does exactly what he said he would do and veteos the bill because of the reasons laid out in April.
I know this is just more of the same crap that has repeated itself for the last 7 1/2 years, but the sheer mental gymnastics at display is beyond me. Now I know it is popular opinion in some circles to say that the world is messed up because people turn away from God, but seriously I think stupidity is the reason we are in trouble. Maybe it is why teachers and education are the favorite bogeyman of the republican party lately.

My blog is growing

I just got my 411th subscriber. I seem to be popular among yahoo.com users, though I am a bit concerned that my most recent subscriber is from @fastshipcialis.com \_(O.o)_/ seems as legit as my certificate of ownership to the Brooklyn Bridge. So I am asking all of my subscribers to check in, drop a comment good, bad or otherwise. What would you like to see in this blog?

Change

Change is a hard thing. I have spent a lifetime of standing on my own, relying on my own strength and sheer will to get through each situation that I have faced; I just do not know any other way. Now I am trying to be a man of faith and after just over a year I feel like I am still in the same spot that I started from a year ago. I do not know how to lean on the Lord and feel inadequate in my faith. I do not know how to trust in the Lord or take him at his word. I do not know how to praise and thank the Lord.
I do not know how to serve the Lord.
I do not know how to love myself or all of my neighbors, in fact there are some I just cannot even grasp where to begin. So I struggle along, not sure how or what to do but keep trying.

Taco truckmegeddon is coming

Not even getting into any political aspects but Hillary Clinton has to win because a Trump supporter promised that if she does, we will have taco trucks on every corner across America. I need this to happen, I love tacos and I have heard wonderful things about these taco trucks out in California and Georgia needs them desperately; Manchester, GA especially could use more food options for lunch. So Hillary Clinton please add this to your campaign promises and deliver ASAP. Also maybe some Vietnamese and Korean food trucks as well and mandatory side of the road barbecue trailers.

If one wants to know how doomed we are as a nation and a species, one need look no further than grown people taking to comment boards and twitter to leave derogatory comments about the looks of Beyonce and Jay-Zs daughter Blue Ivy. If there is any doubt regarding the capacity and desire of people to inflict harm on fellow human beings or oppress other people through their words or actions, adults attacking children in any form is just about as low as it gets.

Communication

Communication is probably my greatest weak point in life. So much so that it seems to always be my biggest hit every year on my evaluations at work. I have less communicative ability than a pet rock and unfortunately with some relationships I have a need for validation that sits in direct juxtaposition to my social ineptness which has always been a recipe for disaster. I have this reoccurring nightmare daydream that something important is going on and I cannot speak, my mouth will not open or opens only slightly, and no sound comes out. I feel like Neo in the Matrix when Agent Smith is interrogating him and his mouth sticks together.

This inability to communicate is hindering my new found desire to communicate and build friendships that has come with my new medicine. I take that back it is not a new found desire but instead a sense of stability within myself that is allowing me to try and overcome decades long bout of silence or meaningless conversations to bridge a gap that I have always seen as lacking on my part. And it is not just a matter of trying to communicate but a desire to repair how I communicate, to put an end to my pessimistic nature and biting sarcasm; sarcasm that only gets worse when I am having a bad day emotionally.

It is easy to think about changing something about ourselves, but actually changing is something else entirely. Sometimes lately I think it might be best to just fade back into the background, that in the silence may be where I truly belong. It is a very frustrating conundrum.

Wading in to the Controversy

I keep telling myself to stay away from the controversy of the day but sometimes I just have to get things off my chest.

There are plenty of people angry that Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for the National Anthem in protest. He took a measured and principled stance to draw attention to problems occurring across this great nation, a stand that very well could end his career. As a veteran of the US Army and as a patriot I fully support his protest because he is exercising his rights as a citizen and is participating in the true spirit of this great nation. His is a conscious act meant to make a statement and I respect that. What angers me though is that so many are attacking him for his protest but I guarantee you at any given sporting event if you were to film the crowd at the stadium you will see people talking, hats on heads, concession stands open; a large number of people completely not caring one way or another, not in protest but because they just do not give a shit. If you were to take the cameras into the homes of all of the tv viewers watching these sporting events, how many people would you find standing in front of their tvs with their hands on their hearts? Which is worse, caring enough to make a statement or not giving a damn to start with.

almost back to normal

Back at work, in the office. Unfortunately driving a rental car, but being at work gives me some semblance of normalcy. With the rental car and parts for the mini, I am hemorrhaging cash still with no end in sight which is a bit disconcerting but this type of stuff seems to happen so often that I have resigned myself to working for at least 3-4 years after I die of old age.Sometimes I think that the stuff that keeps happening is just too unbelievable, I feel like I am living Clark Griswold’s life between his vacations. It is all good though as my blessings far out weigh anything else.

In stripping off my roof I am amassing shingles, nails and tar felt around my house. I was going to use my wheelbarrow to start cleaning up and the handles both broke and the tire has dry rotted. So I thought well I will just buy new handles and a tire, be good to go for another 10+ years. Did you know you can buy a brand new wheelbarrow for the same price, unbelievable.

Personal Responsibility

I understand that doing the right thing is difficult, especially when you make a mistake. But actions have consequences and things in life do have a way of working themselves out eventually.
So to the anonymous person who struck my rental car in Little Rock, AR I forgive you and I pray that one day you will own up to your mistakes and start taking responsibility for your actions. I may panic along the way a few times as I try to come up with the deductible amount in addition to the money I still need to spend to fix my car, but I know that God will provide and his blessings will overflow. I thank God that for all that has gone wrong this week Phoebe and I are safe, maybe a little worse for wear, but we made it through this just as we have made it through so many other things before today. As I told someone this morning this has been a bit rougher than normal weeks, but not that unusual or different for us.
So I will pray for you anonymous parking lot person just as I will pray for the 911 operator who did not dispatch police or take our police report over the phone, leaving us in limbo for 2 1/2 hours. And I will pray that I grow from this experience.