Month: March 2022

I am just going to throw this out, just a short passage from the Old Testament. Something to maybe get people thinking about how they view those who are impoverished.

Deuteronomy 15 7:11
7 If there be among you a poor man of one of thy brethren within any of thy gates in thy land which the Lord thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not harden thine heart, nor shut thine hand from thy poor brother:

8 But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need, in that which he wanteth.

9 Beware that there be not a thought in thy wicked heart, saying, The seventh year, the year of release, is at hand; and thine eye be evil against thy poor brother, and thou givest him nought; and he cry unto the Lord against thee, and it be sin unto thee.

10 Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the Lord thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto.

11 For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.

If the Military invented it, hospital doctors perfected it. My wife Phoebe is a diabetic and was hospitalized with a severe infection of her foot yesterday. They did do an MRI yesterday once they finally got her admitted, however we have to wait for the Doctor to come by and give us the results and let us know what is going on. So, we sit and we wait, and wait, then we wait some more. Maybe we will get lucky and see the doctor before afternoon turns into evening.

One important job, to stream a funeral on Facebook, and my mic was muted. A grieving family asked me to do one simple thing and I screwed it up. I was too nervous, there were people counting on me and I let them down. What an awful feeling that is above so many other things, to disappoint someone that asked you to do something and it goes wrong. Some days I think that is just one of the hardest things in life, letting other people down and knowing you cannot undue the error.

The past two weeks have been a long trial. To watch one of my puppies slowly die from getting into something poisonous and having to make the decision when he was nearing the end to quicken the process was heartbreaking. This is the third time I have had to make the decision to euthanize one of my dogs and it is a difficult and painful decision to make that never gets any less painful. I have had nightmares several nights that I made the wrong decision, but deep in my heart I know that he was too far gone the vet agreed that it was impossible for him to recover after he took a turn for the worse.

More grief and pain to bottle up inside and suppress because I fear letting go, I fear that if I let my emotions get out of control that there will be no coming back. Some days I feel like I am on the verge of a mental break down, kept at bay through will power and medication. It does not stop the anxiety attacks that take me closer and closer to that edge. But I am still standing, still slogging along the path. I know I can not give up, my family is depending on me and I can not let them down.

So, I live through my trials and I try to learn from them every day. It is not always easy, no one ever said it would be. I go forth through the darkening night, knowing that it can’t rain all the time, and joy will come in the morning.