How can we know what it is we are supposed to do with our lives? How can we tell what God is calling us to do? I just do not know and I am at a loss, there is so much chaos in my mind that I am just exhausted. Sometimes I just wish I could be like Joseph in Matthew 1 and 2; have an angel of the Lord appear and say hey do this, or you need to go here or there.
The thing about this exhaustion is that I am fighting this fear that I really do not have any faith. Surely if my faith was strong enough, the fog of the chaos in my mind would clear away, the path would open before me and I would know my purpose. If my faith was strong enough I could pray and heal my love of all of her pain. I could fall on my knees and pray for healing for my children and their pain would be gone, that my niece and nephew would no longer have their health problems or any of the others I pray for almost daily.
So I wonder how I can know. Where do I find the strength? How can I hear God through the chaos?
I read these verses from Matthew 6 and I just feel so far away from God and I wonder how to get from where I am currently to where I need to be.
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.