Year: 2018

After more than a year of being depressed beyond my normal levels and having no motivation whatsoever, I am trying to get back to living life beyond just working. I have a long road ahead of me but I am working on letting go of all of my stress and just breathing every day. My goal is to get back to writing everyday, baby steps

It is strange where I find my thoughts some days, grasping at memories from my adolescence, desperately seeking some lost knowledge and understanding. It is as if I think that this unknown, intangible, something; can somehow transform my life.

At any moment the breathe we draw may be our last, fleeting and at times fragile is the existence of mortal creatures. Some people spend their lives just trying to survive day to day, others spend theirs amassing power and wealth. Some spend their lives hating and spreading hate. Others spend their lives loving and spreading love.

It is so easy to see the hate being overwhelming and over powering, to lose hope in a world full of lies and ignorance.

In such a world how do we determine and hold on to what matters. Where do we find the courage?

Quite simply that if no collusion occurred between Russia and trump then trump wouldn’t be Putin’s little bitch.

I have spent months starting posts I never finished. Wanting to express myself but simply being too discouraged and depressed to get anything coherent out of my head. For months I have been trying to make sense of how to be thankful that I am blessed and fortunate to be keeping my job during a downsizing at my employer, while my fellow colleagues have been let go. With the health problems of my little family and debts from medical, education, and life expenses I am ever so grateful to still be employed but I know I am not unique or special in that regard.

So, in this New Year I will just keep pushing forward and praying. It will feel better, when it stops hurting.